In His Defense:

Goku's Intelligence in Question

Well, it's finally happened. Chelsee has become so annoyed by all the people that make Goku act stupid in their fics that she went and wrote something. Oh, kami, RUN FOR IT!!

Okee, switching over to first person here.....................

I've carefully tucked my own oppinions aside (for now) so I could clearly and carefully state only the facts. Once you've taken the time to mull them over, you can go your merry way with whatever feelings you want to towards the Saiyan named Goku.

Affection: Most would say that Goku was one of the most lovable guys out there. You could say that he loves everything and everyone and everything in between. But Goku has a slight problem.

He's not good at showing his affection.

"What?" most of you must be saying, "But he even shows love and compassion towards his enemies! Surely you're mistaken Chelsee."

No, I'm not. Being a person who simply loves when people show their love for one another, I watch each DB episode I have carefully to see what there is to see. And what do I see? Never once did Goku give anyone a hug. Nope, not even a simple, solitary hug to show how he cared. Even when people throw their arms around him, he doesn't return it.

Yes, it's true. Remember when Goku had supposedly defeated Freeza and Gohan, in his wild craze of false victory ran to his ailing father and hugged him around the neck? What did Goku do? He smiled, and laughed but he didn't hug back. And when he recovered from his heart disease, Chichi was so happy she jumped off the Kame House roof to get to him and threw herself against him in her sheer joy. Yes, Goku picked her up and twirled her around, laughing and smiling, but he didn't hug her. Yes, even when Krillan, so happy to see his best friend alive tackled Goku in a wild and crazy hug that sent them both flying through the wall, Goku did not return it.

Why why why? Why is Goku so uncomfortable getting close to someone?

Many of you must be saying, "Isn't this supposed to be written in Goku's defense? So far it's negative!"

So far, it is. But let me start the explanation, begining way back in the very begining of Dragonball, when Goku had first met Bulma. Before that, as any good DBZ otaku must know, he lived with his Grampa Son Gohan. Now, Goku was 11 or 12 years old when he first met Bulma (despite Funi's attempt to say he was 6. I'm going off my comic here.) What happened those years? How long was Goku alone after accidentally killing his Grampa? What was Son Gohan Sr. really like?

I'm going to try out a theory, so if there's anyone still reading this, I'm not saying this is fact.

I'm thinking Son Gohan Sr. was really bad at showing his emotions. I imagine he didn't hug Goku, not even once. In fact, the way we picked up baby Goku in the Bardock special was smiliar to the way Goku picked up Goten--held out at a distance, away from the body. (Yes, I was very pleased when Goku hugged Goten! It mad me HAPPY!!) I think the most Gohan ever did was ruffle Goku's hair, since that seems to be the way Goku shows his love for his son (Gohan only got a hair ruffling when Goku healed from his heart disease *sniff*)

So, this little tidbit of Goku's past in mind, wouldn't you all agree that the first couple years of a person's life would effect that person the most? Indeed, we all know that Gohan was a 'martial arts expert.' Since he was once Muten Roshi's student, we'll assume he was around the ol' perv's level of power.

Son Gohan trained little Son Goku, starting him on that long, winding road that lands us eventually in DBGT, with Goku getting absorbed into the Dragonballs having left one hell of a legacy behind him.

What if Son Gohan showed his affection toward Goku by training him hard? That would explain why Goku was so rough on Gohan when they were training together. And it would explain why Goku seems to get closer to people he can fight with than people he can't. I feel that one of the first things that attracted Goku to Chichi (the second time they met) was that she faught him so fiercely. (I only have the chinese manga version of their first meeting, so I'm not clear on all the details of the incident.)

So we have his strange way of loving people down. He obviously love both his children and his wife, he's just as (if not more so) uptight about showing that much love as Vegita or Piccolo (since I think I've seen Piccolo sneak a hug in!)

Memory: One of the big things people bombard Goku with is a supposed bad memory.

Goku's short term memory is average, though not below average. Sure, he wasn't able to remember whan and where Trunks said the Jinzouningen were going to show up, but hell! Neither did I! (At 10:00 how many miles north of WHAT capitol again?) Eeeee!!

Long term, Goku is a snap! He can remember all the way back to simple little instances when he was a tiny kid, up to being a big, macho SSJ3!! Where do people come up with Goku's bad memory? I certainly don't know. Not from the show.

When it comes to remembering moves and chi (ki) manipulations, Goku is a genious. He leaned the Kamehameha just by watching is done once (it took Muten Roshi 50 years, Krillan and Yamcha took 3 years.) He was the first to figure out how to do Taiyo ken (Solar Flare.) Though I'm glad Krillan leaned how, too ^_^!! He learned the Kaio Ken and Genki dama in a matter of months!! If it took Goku a year to learn Instantanious Movement.........I don't want to know how long it would take anyone else to learn it!!

Food: Okee, so Goku had an exquisite appetite.

Indeed, the hunger he feels is more painfull than what most humans could ever feel. As a kid, his hunger was so accute that he couldn't even fight (much less, run!!) But even that should be expected. If Goku's power level is......say.....100,000, and the average man is around 5, then wouldn't that mean that Goku is eating for the equivalent of 20, 000 people? If that's the case, then Goku must have EXTREME selfcontrol!!

Kindness:Goku is a very kind, very compassionate, very merciful guy.

But get him mad, and he will kill you.

That's the part people don't understand. When things get serious, Goku had no, repeat no qualms with killing people. When he was a kid, and he faught the Red Ribbon army, he didn't just 'defeat them.' He killed them. K-I-L-L-E-D.

And in this aspect, I can't really blame most people. Funi seemed to have problems with the main character being so casual about death (cause that is the best way to describe our hero) so they made some modifications. All the people that hear Funi's version of Trunks and Goku's first talk will hear that Goku had 'let Dr. Gero (Gerou? How is that odd pronunciation spelled?) go because he thought Dr. Gero might turn good.'

Nope. That's a buncha hooey. Hear me, and hear me now, folks, Goku had no clue Dr. Gero ever existed. He thought he had killed off every last member of the RR army. He didn't let that wrinkly old prune live! He didn't know! If he had known, he woulda killed the geezer along with the rest!

Then, of coarse, there's the part where Goku made Krillan let Vegita live and escape. Of coarse it was Goku that let Vegita go, but there were slight differences. Here, lemme show ya what my comic says (I'm using the comic's spelling as well):

((Kuririn raises his sword to kill Vegita))

Kuririn:This.....is for everyone you killed!

Vegita: Damn, I can't move!!

Kuririn:DIE!!

((Kuririn swings the sword))

Goku: ((mentally))Kuririn STOP!!

Kuririn: ((stops inches from Vegita's head)) Huh? G.....Goku?! W-was that you, Goku? Talkin' in my head?

Goku: ((still talking mentally)) I'm too hurt.....to use my voice. Kuririn,...I have just one request. Please. Let the Saiyan go.

Kuririn: A-are you insane!? He killed our friends! He tried to kill us! He tried to kill everybody in the whole world! If we let him go now, he'll regain his strength and come back again!

Goku: Yeah.....probably.

Kuririn: Are you thinking he's gonna see the light like Piccolo? That he's gonna turn over a new leaf? Well, FORGET ABOUT IT!! He's not like that!! He doesn't have a leaf to turn over! He doesn't have a speck of decency in him! He's a killing machine! He's a--

Goku: I know.....and I know how dangerous he is. But......I don't know how to say it.....when I saw him about to die....I thought.....<smiles>...'what a waste.'

Kuririn: What a.....waist? ((looks shocked))

Goku: I trained under the Kaio, the Lord of Worlds....I thought I'd hit my peak of power......But Vegita was....so far above me....!! I was shocked......scared.....<closes his eyes>.....But somewhere inside.....I was happy. I was thrilled to be fighting such power! I guess it's my Saiyan blood....It's not smart, I know.

Kuririn: ....Rrrr....

Goku: ((grits his teeth and looks fierce for a guy with one eyes open, covered in blood, and has nearly every bone in his body broken)) But next time, I swear, I'm gonna surpass him!! Gonna beat him!! I know it's wrong, but please! Let me do it myself!

There now. Goku didn't want Krillan to show mercy. Goku wanted to fight and kill Vegita himself!! Ye' Gods, Funi couldn't have them say THAT now could they!?

Seriousness: Goku is, indeed, a goof ball. He laughs and smiles and most of the time a very happy person.

But he can get deathly serious. Frighteningly serious. And, get him mad, and he will be terrifying.

I remember when I first got my chinese manga where Krillan died the first time.......and just how scary Goku looked when he found his body. His tail all puffed up, and his eyes burning (let's not ask how a black and white pic can have burning eyes. He just DID.) He was scarier than hell itself, swearing profusly and totally unstoppable. Truely a mind-numbing moment.

Okee, now lets do seriousness. Goku, when in his serious mode, can say some pretty profound things, and even his silence speaks for itself.

Remember when Vegita died at the hands of Frieza? Of coarse you all do. Want to know what Goku really said at Vegita's grave? If not, than scroll down until it's over. The following comes from one of the episoded I downloaded. I'm using the sub's spellings and exact words, even if I don't agree fully with the translation:

((Goku has just landed, distracting Freezer from killing Bejeeta. After a few words with Piccolo, Kurilyn and ruffling Go Han's hair affectionatly, he approached Freezer, chi glowing.))

Goku: So you're Freezer. You're alot more puny than I'd imagined.

Freezer: ((smiles)) I had no idea there was more trash left.

Goku: ((looks down at Bejeeta's limp body)) Bejeeta promised to fight me! Don't interfere!!

((more blah stuff happens, I just liked those lines. Let's move on to the death scene!!))

Vegita: ((laughing hoarsly> Hah hah *cough* Freezer! You better get serious! He's the one you feared! ((manages to sit up on his elbows)) (I'm gonna use some of the normal Japanese dialoge here. Forgive me for misspellings.) Super Saiya-jin da! So da! The legend of the greatest warrior in the universe! Super Saiya-jin da! Freezer! It's all over for you! You get what you deserve! Hah hah hah hack! <impaled through the heart by an angry Freezer blast, hacks up blood.))

Kurilyn: Bejeeta!!

Freezer: You know I hate stupid jokes, Bejeeta. ((Bejeeta hacks up more blood.))

Goku: Bejeeta! ((turns to Freezer)) Oi! Bejeeta couldn't even move! ((now he's yelling REALLY loud and getting that scary tone in his voice that gives me shudders)) You didn't have to hit him that last time!

Freezer: It's because he keeps HARPING about that stupid legend! I hate people who don't know when to give up!

Bejeeta: K....k...Kakarotto!

Goku: Bejeeta! (Boy, he says his name so many times no wonder there's so many yaoi stories about those two!)

Bejeeta: Why are you still being so soft? Haven't you become a Super Saiya-jin?! ((has a couple flash backs to the Saiyan saga> Baka yaro!! You have to become a cold blooded killer! You could've become a Super Saiya-jin......if you didn't have that softness in you!!

Goku: <now he's using that creepy quiet voice he gets when things get REALLY serious> There's no way I could become as cold blooded as you. I don't really understand what a Super Saiya-jin is, anyway.

Bejeeta: Super Saiya-jin de nowana.....(for some reason there is no subtitle for it.) ((hacks up even MORE blood. Very messy and painfull looking.))

((We run through some scenes of Bejeeta as a little kid, blowing up planets with dear old dad. Then the flash backs shift to when Freezer kills King Bejeeta and Bardock. Then to when Freezer blows up planet Bejeeta.))

Flash back Freezer: ((commenting on the 'fireworks')) Fabulious! Zarbon-san! Dodoria-san! Come look at the glorious fireworks! Hahahaha!

((End flash back.))

Bejeeta: Listen carefully, Kakarotto! *hack hack* ((nothing comes up this time.))

Freezer: You're a tough one! I went right through your heart, and you're still hanging on to talk?

Bejeeta: ((ignoring Freezer)) The planet Bejeeta that you and I were born on.....wasn't destroyed when it was hit by an asteriod! ((Freezer closes his eyes in what I can only describe as a bashful way.))

Goku: ((also ignoring Freezer)) Don't talk anymore! You'll just bring your death closer!

Bejeeta: Freezer did it!! ((his eyes brim with tears))We Saiya-jins had become his arms and legs! We worked hard to follow his orders and yet........((Goku looks in shock as Vegita starts crying)) He killed everyone! And left only us! He killed your father....and mine. The King, too! ((the camera pans over the shocked faces of Go Han and the gang)) The Saiya-jin were becoming too strong! He was afraid a Super Saiya-jin would be born! ((his voice cracks.))

Freezer: Humph. What a lie.

((Bejeeta reaches a bloody glove up, as though trying to grab Goku.))

Goku: Bejeeta..... (again with the names!)

Bejeeta: <still groping at the image of Goku, crying and bleeding and all in all looking unhealthy> Please! Please kill Freezer!! Please!!....by a Saiya-jin's hand....

((Bejeeta's hand falls and he dies. A wind blows and scary-as-hell music plays.))

Goku: Bejeeta.......(How many times is he gonna say it?!)

Freezer: So he finally died? Shall I resume my terror show? ((with the music, this for all the world makes things seem like the terror show never ended.))

Goku: ((looking at Bejeeta's body (this is the part I want to put most emphasis on) ))You cried.....You said please..... What anger and bitterness you must have felt!

((the music continues to play for a moment as Goku clenches his fist, still looking at the body. The wind is howling. The puddle where Vegita's tears were vanishes. Goku blasts a hole in the ground with his eyes.))

Goku: ((narrows his eyes as he picks up Bejeeta's body.)) I know. It's not that you were angry about fellow Saiya-jin being killed. ((Goku gives a death glare to Freezer)) You couldn't stand being helpless against him! ((the creepy music is gone. Now a music with a thin thread of hope starts to play. Goku sets Bejeeta in the hole.))

Goku: I hated you but........((shovles a couple of handfulls of dirt onto the body)) You were proud to be a Saiya-jin.

((Goku continues to bury the body. We watch as the feet are covered. The music continues to play. After the feet are covered, we see Goku slowly put dirt over Bejeeta's face. The music gets alittle louder, building up that little thread of hope. Finishing with the hands, Goku is done burying Bejeeta.))

Goku: ((still knealing by the grave)) I want to share in some of that pride, too! <he stands and raises his quiet voice to a powerful loud one> I am an Earth Saiya-jin!! ((he finally turnes to Freezer)) For all the Saiya-jin that you killed! I'll kill you.

*sniff* Isn't that beautiful? I just love when Goku gets proud of his Saiya-jin heritage! I just love that, and no matter how many times I watch it I nearly cry! Oh, Goku is so smashing when he gets mad!

Comprehention: Some things baffle Goku.

Then some things he can wizz right through faster than Gohan.

It took him years to even figure out why nudity was unexceptable in human society. Even then, he doesn't get embarassed when he happens to find himself nude. He didn't understand the difference between 'sleeping with a girl' and 'sleeping with a girl.' Hell, he didn't know the difference between boys and girls at all! (I ain't talkin' the adam's apple.)

Then again, Goku nearly ALWAYS knows what to do in a fight. He can act instantly when attacked, registering dangers and weaknesses before anyone else even realizes they're under attack.

Why? Why do people continued to spread this disease that makes people think Goku's an idiot? Part of it is fanfics. I am not saying fanfics were wrong (I would be outta a job if they were!) But there are some people who are still new to DB. New to fanfics. They read a fanfic or two or three, and if a theme offers often enough, they think of it as fact. So with there being so many fanfics where Goku's dumb around, of coarse people will start to believe.

Another big player is Funi. Hell, I can't say Funi is all bad, cause if it weren't for them I wouldn't even know DB existed, and neither would nearly all the other fanfic readers and writers. But one of my pet peeves is how Funi is slowly and surely destroying Goku (and Krillan and Yamcha.) If this works out, maybe some day I can write one of these in their defense also.

Well, you've seen the facts. It's your turn. Still think Goku's an idiot?

Fine. I just hope that somewhere out there, I reached a lost sould that didn't know Son Goku yet hated him. Please, tell me how you feel. Have I even mildly altered your oppinions?